Stop Supporting Stiller

Honestly. How can Ben Stiller still have a job? Do we really need a yearly dose of his effeminate, angry rants? Do we need more of his beta male character filled with self-doubt as he chases after a woman far out of his league? In his newest movie, the previews show him yelling at a Mariachi band.

He was yelling at a monkey in the movie before that. Even as a mighty lion he was an emotional mess! He is a neurotic newlywed in about three of his worst movies. Does America enjoy his idiocy so much we need to see him in the same role over and over?

In my opinion, the guy peaked in “Meet the Parents.” His character was still new and fresh and was a great foil to Robert De Niro. I will even begrudgingly accept the adequate sequel, mainly because of how well Dustin Hoffman became a frisky, chimichanga-loving, stay-at-home dad. Before milking cats, he had some decent movies and some good roles. “Something About Mary” was a solid hit. It had a good script, good characters and his beta male was still new and interesting as he tried to get the girl. And of course, no one can argue with the enjoyment you get from the useless Mr. Furious in “Mystery Men.” Temperature rising. Vision blurring. Rage ? taking ? over ?

But many of the movies in between are pretty hideous: “The Heartbreak Kid” (2007), “Night at the Museum” (2006), “School for Scoundrels” (2006), “Madagascar” (2005), “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story” (2004), “Envy” (2004), “Starsky & Hutch” (2004), “Along Came Polly” (2004), “Duplex” (2003) and “Zoolander” (2001).

There is a time and place for incredibly stupid movies. A lowest denominator joke is needed every once in a while, but this guy keeps them coming by the handful. Most of them are derivative, silly and lack an ounce of worth. If you add up all the time in all of his movies where he yelled, exasperated at something, I wonder how many minutes that would equal. If only I had some real Vapoorize to get rid of his crappy films.
To make matters worse, he typically hires only his friends to star in his movies. Is no one else sick of the Owen brothers? How many times can Owen Wilson act as the blonde sidekick, nemesis or have a tiny cameo?

Perhaps he is the next generation’s Adam Sandler. First, define a character. Make a few pop-culture influencing movies. Then fill the box office with carbon copies hoping to cash in on load after load of your character as a lawyer, as a kitty-calendar maker or as any other possible combination. Finally, mature as an individual and start being in more substantial movies. One can hope.

Stiller has a tendency to executive produce a lot of his duds. I’m hoping he runs out of money eventually. It will require a nation-wide effort, and I hope it starts here. You must not go to his movies. If you really need to see him, yell at either an inanimate object or an animal, please just watch one of his old movies that I’m sure you already own. If you need to see him act stupid and use sentences incorrectly, watch “Dodgeball” or “Zoolander.” Do not go to his new films! Maybe he will finally get the message and start producing and staring in higher-quality movies. Then you can go out and support his new movies where he is not the abused beta male.

I am hoping this article balances out my theological soap boxing last week. I realize that most of you do not read the Independent Collegian looking for deep insights on the meaning of life. I am guessing you are just trying to kill time between classes. Take in some campus news, read the comics, play Sudoku. I will always try to provide a balanced set of articles. Some deep, some shallow, but always worth the read.